I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
