How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
