Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
