I look better un-naked...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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