WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
