I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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