you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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