make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
