all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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