My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
