I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
