I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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