Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
