I just cut my nipple shaving
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The convent might be a nice break from real life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
