oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
