So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize