we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
