The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
