in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
