Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
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