can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize