i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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