Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
