....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
