Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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