I think I won the penis lottery.
my being single is dangerous.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
