well you can't waste a boner
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
