that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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