Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
