Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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