never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my shit smells like andre
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
