Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
