Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
