Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
