I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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