I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
