so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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