U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
