living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
