you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
