Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
