She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
