one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
