why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
