AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
