It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize