"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
