I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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