I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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