"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
