you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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