i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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