Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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