The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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