If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
