you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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