this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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