my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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