Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
