My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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