We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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