i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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