I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
