I think my vagina is haunted
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize