I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
