he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lets start a swedish sibling band together
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
