worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
