see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I love how my cats smell like pot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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