I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh god it's open bar.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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