I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
