I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
